The San Fernando Valley Idle Org – Sorry State of Affairs

In Tony Ortega’s blog June 1st 2013:

ValleyOrgLogo“For several months now, we’ve been entertained by the shenanigans of Scientologists in the San Fernando Valley as they’ve gone to extraordinary lengths to raise money for a new “Ideal Org” that is part of church leader David Miscavige’s high-pressure plan to open up lavish new facilities.

Miscavige figures the public relations value of opening big new centers is worth the trouble, even if there isn’t growth in membership to justify it. So the remaining church members have to work like crazy to raise money in huge quantities from people already worn down from years of fundraising. How? By getting creative.

We’ve already marveled at the bowling gals, the doorknob sales, and the stand-up comedy approach. But how is the building itself coming along?

Recently one of our loyal readers stopped by the location of the new Valley Ideal Org to grab some snapshots for us.

The building sits just off the intersection of Lankershim Boulevard, Tujunga Avenue, and Burbank Boulevard in North Hollywood…
Here’s the view on Burbank Boulevard, showing what a large but rather nondescript building this is…
And let’s get tight on one of those windows, where you can see the spirit that’s going into this building’s renovation. Rah!
Hey, at least the door looks like it’s nearing completion. Who paid to sponsor those door handles? Did they get a certificate?
We want to thank our tipster for taking the time to give us that update. And we hope to learn about more wacky fundraisers by those crazy kids in the Valley as they try to get their building finished.”


London Idle Org – Planet Ivy visits the London Church of Scientology

Planet Ivy May the 2nd visited the Idle Org of London:

scientology london

Published on May 2nd, 2013 | by Tristan James

Planet Ivy visits the London Church of Scientology

In a world of uncertainty, perhaps money is king. And jellyfish are inherently evil.

L. Ron Hubbard, had an extensive life of literally doing everything. He flew planes, sailed boats, grew tomatoes, killed Nazis, helped build the atomic weapon and wrote a lot of shitty science fiction – he was basically Forest Gump, but better. He also happened to create modern history’s most contentious religion, Scientology. Quoted as once saying “I’d like to start a religion. That’s where the money is”, Hubbard’s Scientology has attracted attention all over the world, so I went and asked what’s gwanin.

I was booked in for a personality assessment, tour and hopefully a good old-fashioned brainwash. The first thing I noticed when I walked in was the marble floor. Really, marble flooring? Totally cliché. I pointed this out to the Brazilian gentlemen at the front desk, who failed to understand, so I professed to my appointment. “You’ll be with Pedo-hunter,” he said. Having quite a good ear for accent deciphering I presumed he meant Peter Hunter. But my uncertainty was just that. I took a seat, quietly reassuring myself that it at least wasn’t Pedo-lover.

A short time later a Glaswegian appeared, his name was Rudy. Peter was apparently busy. I had only one suspicion. After shaking hands like champs we moved up some more ornate marble in the shape of stairs. The building was deserted despite it’s size. It seemed to be full of closed doors, Indiana Jones tribute symbolism and wooden furnishings. I half expected floor traps and Sean Connery, but there weren’t any women around worth hitting.

scientology question

We found ourselves in what can only be described as a classroom. I was given a personality test made up of 250 questions. It required my full name, employment details, and address. I filled them out and cracked on. It resonated with the level of cryptic ambiguity of a bipolar schizophrenic on ice cream day. After a strangely introspective 45 minutes I finished the test and waited for Rudy to return. He didn’t. So I went looking for him.

He was reading in a nearby room. He relieved me of my paper, which went into a scanner and within minutes a graph that would spell my fate was born. He mused over it, “You’re quite a conflicted person.” Aren’t we all? “Well, yes,” he explained, pointing out some highs and lows in the graph that were supposedly acute accurate assessments of my personality. He failed to raise anything I wasn’t already aware of, the whole discourse could be summarised as ‘You’re lazy and it’s no wonder all your ex-girlfriends hate you’. Then the e-meter came out.

The e-meter is a device that looks like it should run the N64 version of Mario Kart. When I brought this up, Rudy replied flatly, “It doesn’t.” It’s supposedly capable of gauging emotional scarring and energy blockages. “Close your eyes.” I was hoping this wasn’t the beginning of a ‘guess what’s in your mouth’ game. “Good, now think of something traumatic.” Holding the two metal toilet rolls, I opted for creativity over truth, “Jellyfish.” I paused, understanding that this wasn’t going to suffice, but having failed to think of a story first, I was forced into an awkward and barely congruent lie, “I was stung by a tropical jellyfish. I almost died.”

I stepped out of the room considering the only possible conclusion, jellyfish are responsible for all of my faults.

This went on for about 15 minutes. My story was awful, Rudy, however, was captivated, allowing me to open my eyes at times during the regale to view the pulsing dials. It all seemed impressive and very scientific, until he asked me if I smoked pot. “Drugs in the system can affect the readings.” I wasn’t sure what he meant by that, was I meant to confess? “It’s fine, don’t worry,” he said, “I used to smoke everyday.” This triggered a long conversation about getting high as teenagers. I swore I almost saw the glint of long-lost good times so often seen in the unhappily married when talking of life before misery. It was cut short however, when the first other person I’d seen in an hour came into the room. The conversation was forgotten and the e-meter moved aside. I stepped out of the room considering the only possible conclusion – jellyfish are responsible for all of my faults – and looking forward to using this in my next relationship.

We strolled around the upper floors of the building. A few people were hunched over books in what appeared to be a library. One man was leading another around in circles by the back of his head. Rudy must have noticed my apprehension, “You’ll see a few weird things in here. I won’t bother explaining it,” he laughed. We went past the Purification Rundown room, “This is where we get all the drugs out of someone’s system.” We lingered in silence here, and it became clear what assumptions Rudy had made of me.

We continued on through aisles and aisles of books. Where Genghis Khan spent a lifetime disemboweling and fucking, Hubbard spent twice as much time dribbling shit onto paper. It was here that things began to go where I had inevitably feared. “You should really consider buying some of these,” Rudy said, pointing out one after another, after another. “They could really help you.” Though I couldn’t recall at what point we’d decided I needed help, his lingering eye contact assured me it had definitely been decided.


We went back down stairs. Marble, marble, wood, Raiders of the Lost Ark prop, marble. Finally we were back in the classroom. A look of gravity had developed on Rudy’s previously soft, welcoming little face. “I really think we can help you.” I don’t think I need help, Rudy. “Well why did you come today, why did you find yourself here?” Things were getting heavy. Suddenly courses were offered at £34. A Dianetics DVD was £15. I refused at every corner and every offer. “If you don’t buy this today, you won’t come back, you’ll be missing out.” I promised that I would return, “You won’t Tristan, I’ve seen it a hundred times before, this could change your life.” And they say guilt is a catholic thing.

I did eventually escape. If I wasn’t prepared to spend a tiny bit of money on myself, it was an indication of my problems. With that, Rudy finally loosened his grip on the guilt hammer. His smile returned. My flashbacks to childhood ended. I shook his hand and left the building.

Since writing this article I have been called five times by the church. I have not answered. They know where I live.


Portland Idle Org – Real Estate Facts

Portland Business Journal reports:

May 14, 2013, 10:42am PDT Updated: May 14, 2013, 4:17pm PDT

Gallery: Scientologists settle into Portland

The Church of Scientology's Portland location includes a five story atrium at its center.

View Slideshow
Church of Scientology photo

The Church of Scientology’s Portland location includes a five story atrium at its center.

Real Estate Daily editor- Portland Business Journal

It took two moves, but the Portland branch of the Church of Scientology is finally at home.

The church completed its move into the historic Sherlock building Sunday following a top-to-bottom renovation that turned one of Oregon’s oldest office buildings into a center for the church’s followers in the Willamette Valley.

Grand opening: Scenes from the unveiling of the new church

Church officials declined to disclose the renovation budget, but the organization paid $6.4 million for the seven-story, 69,000-square-foot building at 320 S.W. Oak St. in 2010. The prior owner, Urban Renaissance Group, paid $9.75 million in 2007.

Gensler was the architect; P & C Construction was the general contractor. Church spokesman Nick Banks said the renovation included a seismic update, a new foundation and the discovery of the foundation of a building that occupied the site before the Sherlock was built in 1893. The Sherlock is on the National Register of Historic Places as a standout example of Sullivanesque-style architecture. In its new life, it will serve as a spiritual center for Scientologists and other faiths.

The sale and renovation led to the departure of its signature tenant, Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse, which had occupied the street-level retail space at the Sherlock for many years.

The restaurant parted ways with its new landlord and moved to new digs at Harsch Investment Properties’ Pacific Center, at the corner of Southwest Broadway and Taylor streets, in 2010.

The Church of Scientology purchased the Sherlock about two years after it paid $5.38 million for the Stevens Building, a 12-story historic structure at 812 S.W. Washington St.

Portland Idle Org Starts With A Lie

Thank you James for sending this.

Scientology Is as Bad at Photoshop as It Is at Not Brainwashing People

The Church of Scientology held an event for the opening of a new facility in Portland over the weekend. The crowd was around 450-750 people. But the church claims it was more like 2,500, and it Photoshopped in the proof.

Except the proof is about as convincing as your thetan’s origin story. In reality, there were no people in the right-hand side of the photo. There was actually a line of rented trees set up to block the view of people not so friendly to Scientology (see the photo below), as well as police blocking off a four-block radius for the event. And it’s not just that the picture was doctored, it’s that it was done quite poorly. They added people right on top of the trees in the altered section. So it very obviously wasn’t the buzzing crowd of L. Ron Hubbard supporters the church would lead you to believe. But when you’re in the business of convincing people to buy into a faith created by a sci-fi writer, you need all the spin you can get. [Mike Rinder, Tony Ortega via BoingBoing]

Stockholm Idle Org – April 2013

Here is a report we got from Sweden:

“I live in Stockholm at the moment and it’s the first time I’ve ever been near a Scientology facility (though I’ve been reading a lot about Scientology the last few years). I noticed you didn’t have anything from Stockholm here (except one photo that was recently uploaded but wasn’t there when I checked). Anyway I shot a little video showing the building and surroundings and uploaded it on youtube and you can share and embed it here on your page, just glad to contribute:”

in you tube he says: “made a visit to the Scientology org of Stockholm on the 21st of April 2013. There’s only 3 orgs in Sweden, in Stockholm, Göteborg (Gothenburg), and Malmö (outside of Malmö in Eslöv there’s also a Narconon). This one in the capital city is pretty pathetic, it’s on the outskirts of Stockholm where no people come except those who work in the various industries around.”